As humans there are some things that we all experience in our lives. However there are others that you can only understand if you have lived and/or worked on a farm. And then there are things that you can only understand if you have lived and/or worked on a dairy farm. If you are or know a Dairy farmer then you will be familiar with all of these signs.
1.You have experienced a wet tail (or ten) to the face before breakfast
Dairy farmers know this is unavoidable, you’re putting on the clusters and a dirty tail whips across your face. It’s pretty much part of the job. The only way to avoid it is to get up earlier and have the breakfast before milking! At least then it’s a tail in the face after breakfast!
2. You’ve been splashed with either Pee or Poo before Breakfast (or both)
Again almost unavoidable, though some of those fancy dairy robots could be a solution. But can you even call yourself a dairy farmer if you’re not getting shit on at some stage?
3. You have drank milk straight out of the bulk tank
And nothing tastes as good. In fact you wonder how anyone drinks it any other way, while simultaneously thanking your lucky stars that they do and praying that they’ll all start drinking more.
4. You don’t get rid of clothes; just relegate them to farm clothes
You don’t have many “Good clothes” but once the partner tells you need to get new ones your current “Good clothes” just get relegated to everyday farm wear. Waste not, Want not.
5. You know that the 5 gallon bucket is one of the greatest devices ever invented
6. You have been shoulder deep in a cow (More often than you’d like to admit)
“Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!” Just another job that comes with the territory! Though some of you weirdos actually enjoy it.
7. You wake up for milking even when on Holiday
You don’t get many holidays but when you do you still jump out of bed at the usual time rearing to go. You’ll either be pacing the floor waiting till you can phone back to make sure the girls have been milked alright or waking everyone else looking for someone to go out and “look about” with “to see is there anyone milking in this part of the world.”.
8. You can reverse a slurry tanker with your eyes closed
At least around your own yard! You’ve done it so many times you know every turn of the wheel like the back of your hand. Better in fact because you don’t have time to be looking at the back of your hand; you’re spreading slurry!
9. The smell of freshly cut grass is one of the best smells in the world to you
Maybe it’s just because it means the weather’s good or just that you feel more secure facing into the winter, but whatever it is the smell of cut grass is the greatest smell on the planet.
10. You can name at least five antibiotics and their milk withholds off the top of your head, but you sometimes forget your kid’s names
They kids respond to “here You” but forgetting the withhold dates could mean real trouble!
11. Your biggest fear in the world is milking a treated cow into the tank
The fear is real! And God forbid if it ever happens! This one has destroyed families, ruined homes and reduced newcomers to tears! Any suggestion that the milk has been contaminated results in a hulk like response in you. You will beat Usain Bolts records to beat the milk to the tank and God help whoever made the mistake. Sends shivers down your spine just thinking about it!