10 signs your Significant other is a Subtle Scrooge
The Christmas season is upon us, with decorations sparkling in every window, “Silver Bells” and “Last Christmas” on the airwaves; Shoppers wrapped in scarves and hats humming “Merry Christmas” as they rush from shop to shop looking for the perfect gifts for all and sundry. Children are buzzing with excitement as they make their list and count down the days until Santa Claus arrives; an excitement that spreads to the older generations anticipating some time off work and a chance to relax with the family in front of the fire, watching classics that give them a warm fuzzy feeling.
But there are some that aren’t quite as receptive to this time of year.Some miserable sods look at the decorations and think “Not again” and “What a waste of money”; they complain about the snow and cold instead of making snow angels! The Scrooges out there see shoppers rushing around singing and think to themselves “Every Idiot who goes around with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.” These are what I call obvious Scrooges and are easy to spot.
However there are other, more Subtle Scrooges that are harder to spot but possibly more draining on your Christmas Cheer. The Subtle Scrooge will pretend to be involved in Christmas while undermining your Christmas preparations and sucking your Christmas cheer dry. They are imposters and you will need to look closely to uncover them. To help you identify these more Subtle draining Scrooges I’ve compiled a list of 10 signs to be on the watch for.
The 10 Signs...
- Buying Christmas presents year round – The obvious Scrooge will just refuse to buy any presents as they are a “waste of money”. The subtle Scrooge will, in contrast, start buying Christmas presents in the January sales for the following Christmas. Or even more subtly, they see a sale in June or July and think “Closing down sale! That 2 euro scarf will do for Gran this Christmas” If this is your partner there’s a strong possibility they need a visit from a ghost or two to sort them out. (Not to be confused with genuine Christmas shoppers who are just constantly thinking about next Christmas but don’t worry about the price!)
- Making remarks about early decorators – The Obvious Scrooges eyes will bulge and their mouth will foam when anyone puts up so much as a Christmas wreath before mid-December, making them easier to spot than the Christmas lights in the City centre. The subtle Scrooge on the other hand will hold their composure better and instead drop nasty gems like “Don’t be stupid, it’s far too early”, “You’ll be sick of them before Christmas” , “Christmas coming early this year?” and “Sure you might as well give me my present now as well so.” Where the out and out Scrooge can be laughed off as a miserable sod, the Subtle Scrooge will make you feel stupid and childish for enjoying decorating and ruin the whole experience.
- Minimum decorations– An obvious Scrooge will refrain from any decorations what-so-ever. The Subtle Scrooge in comparison will have minimum decorations. A small tree in the window and maybe some old decorations that they inherited from they’re parents. Anything else is “excessive and a waste of money”. They will crap on your happy feelings and tell you to put back the singing Santa because “your being ridiculous now!”
- Playing non-Christmas Christmas songs – The biggest Scrooges will simply bemoan any and all Christmas songs, turn off the radio and play a playlist of heavy metal anthems in protest. The Subtle Scrooge will instead play non-Christmas Christmas Songs like Sound of the Underground and Seasons in the Sun because “They were Christmas number ones you know!” Be careful of these types they’re just plain Psychopaths! (The one exception to this rule is of course East 17’s Stay Another Day.)
- Christmas Carollers’ drive them crazy – Most people find carollers’ sweet hymns in the streets a wonderful part of the holidays, a Scrooge will cringe as if the sound is causing them physical pain and hurry away as quick as possible. A more subtle Scrooge will make fun of the singers suggesting they “shouldn’t give up the day job” and have you believe that poor singing is the reason they want to leave. Don’t be fooled they’re just a miserable Scrooge incognito!
- Scoff at the Poor and giving Charity – Scrooges are known for complaining about the poor “wasting money they don’t have on Christmas and then complain about not having enough”. Despite hating spending money, the subtle Scrooge will scoff at anyone buying presents from a charity shop for “being cheap” and “fooling yourself” into thinking you’re actually helping anyone. They cannot see that Christmas is about so much more than the presents.
- Keep a close watch on the heating - Despite having the money Scrooges will try to save money in any way possible. While the out and out Scrooge will not have any heat even in freezing temperatures, the subtle Scrooge will have minimum heat in the house. If anyone mentions the cold they will get a cutting remark about not being “dressed for the season” and the thermostat will remain where it is. (Not to be mistaken with those who can’t afford heating and will become embarrassed if it is mentioned!)
- Refusing to participate in Christmas games – A real scrooge will scoff at any suggestions of Christmas themed frivolity. They will refuse to be involved in anything fun over the holiday period and call those playing games on Christmas day “Childish”, while making constant references to Christmas being “a Children’s Holiday”.
- Refuse to wear their cracker crown– Scrooges will refuse to even pull a cracker and complain about “stupid traditions”. The subtle scrooge will lazily pull one with you but refuse to wear the crown or if you can convince them to put it on, they will remove it and destroy it as soon as your back is turned.
- Refusal to wear any Christmas apparel – There is no subtle way around this one. If they’re not willing to wear a Christmas jumper, a Santa hat or elf ears you’re dating a Scrooge and a Grinch all in one and there is no hope for them at all! Kick them to the kerb and find a sexy elf at the Christmas party.
So there you have it 10 signs of a Scrooge to watch out for this year. If your significant other is showing signs of an out and out Scrooge your only hope is to summon some ghosts to scare them straight. A subtle Scrooge is a bit easier and can sometimes respond to the constant Christmas cheer treatment, but you will have your work cut out and may need more decorations and dancing Santas’. If you need help finding decorations for your Christmas intervention you can find them on shopforhristmas.ie. If that doesn’t work you’ll have to cut them loose; you don’t need that negativity in your life. For all the non-Scrooges out there get your Christmas jumper on, make a tinsel crown and spread the Christmas cheer by “singing loud for all to hear”. Happy Holidays!