Last week we shared signs 11 signs that you’re a dairy farmer. This week we have another ten. If you haven’t experienced at lease eight of these you might want to stop calling yourself a dairy farmer. Many of these are probably things people don’t know about you. Others like number 8 are ones others definitely know about you.
- You get home at night and find syringes in your pocket
If you met a townie they’d think you were some psycho kidnapper/killer! They don’t understand that there is always some animal that needs an injection for some damn thing, even if it’s only a bit of a vitamin injection for a struggling calf. And when rushing on to the next issue on the farm the only logical place to store the syringe is in a breast pocket. Sometimes it can even be full. While on the way to inject the affected animal you spotted a cow about to drop a calf! Stupid townies don’t understand your saving lives not taking them!
- You laugh when your friends complain about having to work on a Saturday
So laughable! Such a moaning Michael! Tell them to suck it up! No weekend breaks for you; EVER. You’re tied to the farm. No sir “those cows aren’t going to milk themselves.” Imagine the raucous if you didn’t show up to milk the girls for a day!
- You may or may not have accidently medicated yourself with animal grade drugs
Tell anyone and they would think you are either really stupid or having a laugh. But you know it’s no laughing matter. While struggling to get that one stubborn animal injected, holding on for dear life, only to have them pull away at the last second and push the needle into your arm. It’s O.K there was no lasting effects… you hope!
4. You know that all calves have no will to live
All calves are just looking for excuses to kick the bucket on you! No matter what you do and how much dangers you prepare for and intercept, they will find some new way that you’ve never even heard of, to sneak off into that eternal darkness. You just have to accept that “where you have live stock you’ll have dead stock” as my grandfather used to say.
5. You have slept in a shed or jeep during midnight calving checks
During the busy Calving period you won’t be getting much sleep and when you do it will probably be just a few hours shut-eye close to the calf shed. Don’t worry you’re not the only one though; your fellow Sheep farmers know your pain. They too know all about the hay bale nap.
6.You struggle to eat cottage cheese because it reminds you too much of mastitis
You just see it on the plate and you are transported back to the trenches and you start to sweat and shiver! Not quite, but back to the parlour with the smell and sinking feeling in your stomach that comes with facing into the tubing and siphoning off the milk is just as bad. “How can they eat that” you ask yourself.
7. Custard reminds you of calf scour
Not only Custard! Caramel desserts, some ice creams, anything with the same basic colour and/or Texture and you have to close your eyes to get it to your mouth. All while trying to not remember the smell!
8. You usually smell like a shed but you are totally oblivious
You don’t realise it but if you turn to the nearest person and ask they’ll tell you “You stink mate”. If not look closely and you’ll see the wrinkled noses. Then again, let’s be honest, there’s probably no-one near you; because you STINK! But sure it’s a good healthy smell of slurry and if you’re honest you kind of like it.
9. You are better than Mcgiver when your milking equipment breaks down during milking
“Where’d I leave that spare valve! I had a vice in this tractor last week I know it! Feck it! A bit of gaffa, fence wire, a spare bolt or two and she’ll struggle on, God help her if she doesn’t! Stupid machine!”
10. You can accurately weigh a cow with your eyes
Comes from being at too many marts! Wait there’s no such thing as too many marts! Sure it’s your talent. Shame it doesn’t work as a party piece. Have to keep practicing that “tying a cherry stick in your mouth” thing!